Adoption

I am filled with pure joy whenever I look at my kids, and still pinch myself when I think about the hows and the whys. If you have ever felt forgotten by God, as I was right before we had placement, let our story by your reassurance that He will never forget you. You have to have faith in His timing. Take it from the MOST impatient person you'll ever meet (I have learned my Christmas presents early every year since I was 8), God has your best interests in mind. "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." ~Mark 11:24

Ryan's Story

We officially started the process of adopting through the county in July 2013. We did the classes, paperwork, CPR, paperwork, baby proofing, and did I mention paperwork? We had everything completed and ready by October. We decided to announce that we were "expecting" that month, and were overwhelmed by the positive feedback we received. Our sisters gave us a baby shower in November, where we were again, totally overwhelmed with gifts of love in anticipation of a baby without an arrival date. 

Next, we had to be interviewed. But wait, the county was moving offices and would be putting everyone on hold until they did so...fast forward (it was slow motion for us) to January. We were interviewed together and separately. Then our home was inspected for licensing. This is a bitter topic as we weren't signed off because my Vitamin C bottle wasn't in a locked container. Moving on...

We were finally, completely, and entirely signed off in late March. Admission: we are a judge-y, cynical, and sarcastic couple. We like to toot our own horn and exclaim over how amazing we would be for any baby, and shamefully, judge others and ask "why them?" instead of being grateful for what we have. We are working on this and are grateful everyday since having placement. Waiting for news that we had placement seemed ridiculously long. We were told there were over 30 couples waiting for newborns, and friends would tell us of couples they knew that had been waiting for years. We were feeling defeated with each passing day.

Then, on April 16th, 2014, I was walking my students to the playground for recess. Our social worker called me and asked me to sit down. She said she had a baby boy who needed a great home, and asked if we could meet with her in an hour to get the "presentation." (The presentation is where any number of people involved in a child's case will present you with all the information they have. Any background, health history, court dealings, family information, etc. is discussed at that time. Then they give you a day to think it over and say yes or no to placement.) I called Stephan, asked if he could leave work, then raced back to my classroom where I had a substitute arranged for an entirely different purpose and then ran to my principal. She said I could go, I just needed to arrange for math coverage. After begging my grade level to take my students and then canceling my elective, I raced to the county office where Stephan had met me.

We waited in a visitation room with our social worker for our maybe-baby's social worker. A stack of papers let us know right away that this was not an easy placement. We were presented with (too much?) background information about our maybe-baby's biological mother and supposed biological father. We were relieved to know that there was no history of drugs or alcohol. The birth mother would have weekly visitation rights, however, no reunification services would be offered. 
Let me stop there and explain that. Every child in child protective services has a plan for family reunification. This could be counseling, therapy, anger management classes, etc. Whether the family can adequately show progress determines if their parental rights would be terminated or if they would be reunified with their child (while in foster or fos-adopt care). We knew this going into the process and though we were in the "fos-adopt pile" there are no guarantees until the rights are terminated by a judge. Because services had been offered and not utilized in the past, CPS was "done" trying. There would be a trial in the future to determine if a judge agreed or would assign reunification services against the advice of the county. More on that later.

Once we had 3 pages worth of information, we were asked if we wanted to see a photo of our maybe-baby. I didn't understand why our social worker had brought in a box of tissues to the room until we saw his photo. 

I don't think we have cried so much in our lives. 

We knew this was our baby. He was teeny and had a tube through his nose (to his stomach) but was just so precious. Then the worker explained that, though we could have the usual day to think it over, she preferred that we decide as soon as possible. He was ready to be discharged from the NICU, but the baby's birth mother was harassing the hospital staff. Placement that day was needed. We asked for an hour to get our wits together, and the workers agreed. So Stephan and I drove to Starbucks in total silence. I ordered our drinks while Stephan found a corner table. We found ourselves tearing up as we affirmed our decision and tried to make lists as to what we needed and how and when and where... I called our worker and we waited to hear about what we needed to do in terms of (more) paperwork before we picked up our baby (that still sounds so weird). We called our bosses to explain that we'd be gone for the rest of the day, and then zoomed home. We needed stuff we had stored at Stephan's mom's house, we needed to orchestrate an announcement for our parents, and we needed diapers and formula! A quick Target run, and we were ready.

Within an hour, we were on our way to a different county office to sign (more) paperwork...just showed our IDs and signed a form. Then we headed to the hospital. In no time, we met our son in the NICU. Stephan fed him while I snapped photos and signed (more) paperwork. The NICU nurse was able to tell us more about our new baby. Birth mom was banned from the hospital and so he was glad to see us. We learned he was in the NICU for jaundice and respiratory issues, both of which had cleared up. The doctor referred us to a cardiologist in 7 weeks to check for his heart development. Honestly, I can picture that early evening very well, but can't remember everything that was said. I just remember leaving with a beautiful, tiny, baby as if we ordered him from a catalog.

The drive home was nerve-racking. He was too small for the car seat and I felt everyone was a reckless driver. When we got home, we prepared for our families to arrive under false pretenses. We told them we indeed had a presentation, but that we wanted to discuss the details with them that evening. Little did they know that they would meet the newest member of the family. I've got incredible video footage for those moments!

So that's how we became parents within a matter of 6 hours! 

After Placement

We had placement when Ryan was 10 days old, just 2 days before Good Friday. I was glad for that three-day weekend! You have to just smile at the timing because I couldn't take that Thursday off. I had 3 SSTs and had to tell everyone my good news! I was, and will always be, grateful that Stephan had all those sick leave hours available. I still had several weeks left in the school year, so Stephan was a wonderful stay-at-home daddy, plus we had lots of family ready and willing to watch Ryan as we tried to fulfill commitments, finish tasks we started, and make changes to benefit our new addition. 

We had two visitations with his biological grandmother (we aren't present, we just drop off Ryan with the social worker), and one successful & one unsuccessful visitation with this birth mom. I am so grateful that the social worker stops the visit if she feels it isn't healthy. Given her history, I don't like dropping off Ryan for birth mom visits. I have to just pray for her to heal and to start over one day.

The judge agreed with the county that no reunification services will be extended to the birth mom. This meant that we were fast-forwarding to the 6-month hearing for terminating parental rights. I feel a disclaimer is in order for anyone considering adopting through the county. As with many things in my life, this is not the typical way things are done. There is a timeline and we no longer fit it. Granted, the birth mom could very well go get counseling on her own and show the judge she is a reformed person and can take care of a baby. This is highly unlikely, and we expect rights to be terminated as scheduled. She can also appeal this decision, but again, not likely to work in her favor. Again, this is not typical. We could be doing visits and counseling sessions and waiting for 12-18 months. God is so great to us and His plan is perfect.

Rights were in fact terminated and we had another blessing to be so grateful for. As expected, this decision was appealed, so we weren't yet out of the woods. We now had to wait for the appellate court to deny this, so we could finalize the adoption. Just a few days after Ryan's 1st birthday, we received the great news that the appeal was denied and we were moving forward. On June 16th, 14 months to the day we took Ryan home from the hospital, we were in a courthouse swearing to be his parents.

Some Firsts

Restaurant: Denny's (he slept the entire time)

Store: Lowe's (he slept the entire time)

Smile captured on camera: May 30th (first actual smile was earlier)

Tickle: June 5th (he smiled and smiled while Daddy tickled his ear!)

Taste of solid food: August 11th (sweet potatoes)

Movie: "Back to the Future" Glendale Park August 16th

Dodger Game: August 30th (Padres Stadium)

Pumpkin Patch: September 28, 2014 (Peltzer Farms)

Trip to Disneyland: October 12, 2014

Elisabeth's Story

We completed new paperwork and interviews in order to be back in the "pool" of applicants to fost-adopt in our county, back in 2016. Then, one morning in April 2018, I received a call when I was working that there was a one year old girl who was in foster care with a family for the first year of her life, and that it was no longer a stable place for her. The county was looking for a permanent placement. Stephan was in Northern California for a work conference, so I was to meet the social workers after school to get the information about the baby girl. When I got to the county office, I put Stephan on speaker, and we heard all about this little girl. She had no father, and her birth mother was on meth. Her foster family was no longer the county's choice for adopting. We were shown a photo and, just as it happened with Ryan, we both were crying in agreement that we found our daughter.

The next day, I brought Elisabeth home! She and Ryan became best friends and she joined seamlessly!

We had sporadic visitations while waiting for the courts. In the meantime, her former foster family appealed losing her. We had some scary months that were calmed by the grace of God. Our social worker was a bright light for our journey. 425 days later, we were in court again to be sworn as her legal parents.