Thoughts from the Social Security office, an author, and a call...

I am consumed with wanting God to direct my next move.

Today, when driving to the Social Security office to get Ryan's new card, I made a decision: I am NOT going to judge those around me. I am a sinner who allows the enemy to creep in my mind and think horrible things about people I don't know. So as I pulled into the parking lot, and saw the line had already snaked its way around the front of the building, I had to make a choice out loud: these are God's people. We are here for a variety of reasons. Thank God there is a building for us to get help with whatever we need.

So I got in line, texted my husband that God made a windy day for me, and waited to go in. I stood in line to get a number before sitting in the lobby, hoping to be called within 2 and a half hours. I brought a book for my mommy Bible study and started to read. Every so often, I would be distracted by a face, a sound, a conversation. These were piercing me. I sat next to a 90-year-old WWII veteran who was trying to get his SS checks mailed. I thought: see! This place isn't so bad! Then it happened. I overheard a conversation that, all these hours later, I still can't forget. Why some women have to be loud on their cell phones, I'll never understand. Is it a cry for someone to engage with them? That is so not in my wheelhouse, so instead, I prayed for it to stop. I prayed for that call to end and for that girl to draw close to God and heal. 

Before even arriving that morning, "Priceless" came on the radio. I found myself crying in the car. There are so many broken girls and women who are not living up to their royal identity in His kingdom, and this reality pierced me. Is it all I can do to pray for them?  

Then, as I was reading Rhinestone Jesus: Saying Yes to God When Sparkly, Safe Faith is No Longer Enough, I was brought back to that place, only this time, deeper. The author, after visiting slums in Kenya, was called to shed material things, and devote her time, family, energy, resources, to something so much bigger, better, deeper, more meaningful - just so wonderful to help pregnant girls in need. My notes from this book:

1. I complain about dust in my house when there are people praising God on dirt floors.

2. I complain about clearing weeds in our big back yard, while there are people praising God, living in shanties the size of an area rug.

3. With so much "stuff," my joy feels incomplete...why??

4. I don't want to waste time and money on stuff that doesn't matter.

5. I am called to be a daughter of Christ, whose only mission is to seek and save the lost. How am I doing that?

6. I am scared to say out loud: I will do anything and sacrifice everything to spread the Good News to the ends of the Earth."

While I would probably be in ignorant bliss to continue living for my family and not seeking a big God-move to bless His people, I need to change. We have remodeling, painting, and appointments, but it is all feeling so insignificant right now. I don't want to keep looking for the next "thing" I think I need. I want to move for God!

So friends, please pray for me and my next move. To think happy thoughts, but mostly, thoughts that will be world changing.